I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I had no idea that in the middle of a lot of other hard things, like the baby being hospitalized and needing surgery, changing churches and what feels like about a million other things being hard and going wrong during the last year, homeschooling would be the hardest thing I have done, maybe ever.
I was homeschooled, Kindergarten through twelfth grade, I thought I knew what to expect. I didn't. And since I'm being honest here, there have been plenty of days that I have wanted to drop him off at school and just be done with it. I have stood at the kitchen sink, ready to give up, again and again and again. But I believe that making decisions for the right reasons is every bit as important as making the right decision so I have plowed ahead into the next day, believing that this is the best thing for my family, at least for now.
For me, the reason I'm homeschooling is so that I can be with my boys, so that we can "do life" together and in the middle of life, we do school. That's my intention, but it hasn't always been my reality. Some days we would do school all. day. long and I'd get to the end of the day and feel like I was doing the opposite of what I wanted to do.
Today we went to the park and I watched my boys in their imaginative play and I thought this is what I have been working so hard for. There is still a lot that they still need to learn, but there is a lot that is going right. This last year has been so hard. Moments like these make it worth it. When they play together well, when they resolve conflicts between the two of them peacefully. When they are silly and kind and listen well. This is what I wanted.
I'm trying to figure out how to have more days like these as we move forward into the New Year. I want our homeschooling to fit my family, not the other way around. I am a homeschooling mom but it isn't the only thing I'm doing with my life right now and I am hoping that our days will reflect that more and more. Homeschooling takes up a lot of our day, a lot of my patience and energy. It takes up a lot of my kid's time too - but in the end we want them to learn how to live well not just do school well.